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"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
my fav trope is like, nonhuman characters not understanding human needs/customs but still being super supportive of their human companion
“look what I found while exploring this planet’s surface!” “kilrak please I’m trying to sleep” “ah yes your human circadian rhythm. *stage whispering* I am supposed to be quiet during this time in your rhythm, yes?”
“the book I purchased on ragnok V says humans require physical touch when upset. therefore, I shall engage in a ‘hug’ with you.” *supremely awkward five-armed hug ensues*
*human sneezes* “OH MY GOD SIL'EEN GET THE MEDIC OUR HUMAN IS DYING”
“this pamphlet I received recently says that humans require companions and packmates in the form of small earth creatures. you should have told me this before we departed earth, but it is no worry. we will have to stop at the next trade planet to get you one of these ‘cats’ or ‘dogs’.”
imagine the aliens really purchasing a kitten for one of their rough and world-weary scifi badass human companions and watching in helpless wonderment what ensues
“she’s been cuddling that small animal for the past fifteen minutes just going ‘kitty, kitty’. did we - did we break our human?”
a more seasoned alien puts one of their tentacles around the younger one as the rest of the team gathers to watch their human make kissy noises.
“no, kilrak,” the alien says. “we did good.”
“Human-Steve! I have heard that today is the anniversary of your hatching! According to my human culture pamphlet, it is customary to set a sugary pastry on fire while chanting your species’ growth incantation and presenting sacrifices wrapped in shiny paper. I am afraid to ask, in case this ritual is sacred and this request therefor insensitive… but may I be allowed to participate? It sounds much more fascinating than molting.”
“Human Steve, I have read about your ritual dance called ‘The Hokey Pokey,’ performed mostly at mate-bonding celebrations after the guests reach an elevated level of intoxication. But Human Steve, how do I know WHICH left foot to put in, put out, and shake all about? I do not… Human Steve, why are you laughing?”
“Human-Steve, you are… you are eating, but it is not one of your ritual fueling times. Are you dying? Is everything alright? Have you not been receiving enough sustenance? Do I need to get you better things to eat? Human-Steve, why are you trying to hide that food?”
“Human-Steve, my research has informed me of a grave oversight in your care that I, as your companion, have made! Thus, I have gathered collections of fictional human literature to read aloud at the time of your bed. Which is more to your liking: “The Care and Keeping of Cacti” or “1001 Crossword Puzzles?” Human-Steve? Human-Steve, I am serious.“
I would read the adventures of human-steve
“Human-Steve, those vocalizations your making have no discernible translation in any Earth language. My research leads me to believe you do this because it is pleasing to your tactile and auditory senses, as well as for the purpose of experimenting with phonemes. No, you do not need to desist. This is a common practice among my people. In fact, I am doing it right now, your senses just can’t–yes, it is that low vibration you’re feeling. I am impressed, most humans do not notice, but you seem to be able to detect a number of things they do not. Perhaps I can instruct you to make use of this ability to your benefit.”
is there any good news right now?
i’d like to add that this isn’t meant to be howling into the void. i think we all need good news right now so if anyone has any send it in
A woman paid all adoption fees for over 800 animals so they could be adopted a few days before Christmas Eve.
Another animal shelter celebrated their entire kennels being empty, as every single dog was adopted just before Christmas.
A pastor held a drive for coats to donate to the homeless and got enough to clothe several hundred people.
A woman discovered a (possible) cure for cancer, that has worked very well in tests.
All (remaining) citizens were evacuated from Aleppo as of 12/22.
Las Vegas is now entirely powered by renewable energy (which hopefully will make other cities follow suit!)
Anyone else know of some good news that I probably missed??
Obama expanded a national marine monument in Hawai’i to create the biggest ecologically protected area on earth. As well, he also officially made Stonewall Inn a national monument to gay rights movement. In fact, in his entire career, he’s now surpassed Theodore Roosevelt (and every other president) for the amount of land and water protected.
TIDINGS OF JOY!
Um yeah… it’s nice and funny and all that, but it’s fake. You can see the “Delete” button in “Trump’s” posting between “Reply” and “Favorite”, and deleting is only permitted to the original poster. Also, the tweet is longer than 140 characters and Donald Drumpf’s Twitter account is two months younger than this posting. So, this is a lazy fake, and the person who did it even confirmed:
@S0LUS hey now, if I’d have known it was gonna go viral I would have spent more time on it— HUNG FELIZ NAVIDADDY (@QU0RN_D0G) 16. April 2016
- you open your resume in microsoft word. your qualifications have been replaced with the words “NEVER ENOUGH.” the cursor winks.
- the website asks you to fill in your basic information. the website asks you for your resume and cover letter. the website asks you to answer additional questions. the website asks you to fill out an applicant questionnaire. the website asks you to sacrifice your family. you click “submit” with bloody hands.
- everyone is hiring. no one is hiring. the signs disappear when you look at them too closely, but you can see them in distant shop windows. only a few blocks more and you will be safe.
- you attend a job fair hiring individuals in your field and are offered several jobs on the spot. your dream-self accepts the position and shakes the manager’s hand as you awaken in your bed. there is still a hand in yours.
- “are you a student?” yes. “are you between the ages of 18-24?” yes. “are you human?” you were. you don’t know now.
- the hiring manager has listed their contact information. phone number: blank. email: blank. sacrifice: three rabbits. you stop by the pet store on your way home.
- a cacophony of voices scream wordlessly into the void. these are your cover letters. these are your only hope.
- you are waiting for your interview. you watch as other applicants go into the office. none of them come out.
- your name is never called. you are still waiting.
In 1997, two composers created “The Most Unwanted Song” by compiling as much annoying music as they could possibly think of. The song features a harp with an accordion, an operatic soprano rapping over cowboy music, bagpipes and screaming, out-of-tune children singing about Christmas and Walmart, lots of high-pitched flutes with tubas and keyboard demos, and someone yelling random political terms through a megaphone. It’s 22 minutes long. Source
It’s not half bad, actually. But then, I’m weird.
"Tell the chef, the beer is on me."
"Basically the price of a night on the town!"
"I'd love to help kickstart continued development! And 0 EUR/month really does make fiscal sense too... maybe I'll even get a shirt?" (there will be limited edition shirts for two and other goodies for each supporter as soon as we sold the 200)